Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Guess What I Found in My Boobs Today!

I know I cannot be the only person who has this problem- I am well-endowed in the chest area, (size DD) and so I have a built-in shelf. I also prefer scoop-neck shirts. They look better on me. So anything that gets dropped near my head will inevitably end up in my bra. I am also clumsy, so the odds that I am going to drop something in there are increased exponentially. And since my mouth is the thing directly above the cleavage, it's usually food that ends up in there.


I have come home from movies to find popcorn in my bra.
Cookie crumbs? Oh yeah.
Condiments of all types.
Small items like earring backs. Yep. They love to fall in there.

My husband teases me about it all the time. In fact, he thinks it is hilarious. Sometimes the reason I find popcorn in my bra is because he threw it in there when I wasn't looking. Sometimes he misses and hits me in the face. Awesome.

But today. Today was a new low.

I had eggs over-medium for breakfast.

Yeah. And it wasn't like just a little drip fell in there. Most of a forkful of delicious, but oh-so-runny egg yolk went right into my cleavage and pooled into the bottom of my bra. Fortunately, there was no one present to witness my hysterical reaction to the gooey mess. But, you can assume it involved a fair amount of screaming, cursing and running for a change of clothes.


I wonder if they make fashionable bibs for adult women.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Creepy Kids

I have seen a couple of internet posts recently, discussing the creepiest things that kids say. Wow. Some of these entries are terrifying, and some are downright hilarious.
I added a few of my own, over at Single Dad Laughing, and there is also a Reddit post that has tons of these comments. And of course, this got me thinking about every little scary or hilarious thing my kid has ever said. And then I started remembering stories I've heard from family, and well...some of this stuff is great, so I thought I'd share.

The Scary:

One night, my daughter had a nightmare. I ran in to check on her, and she was terrified. I asked her to tell me about her dream, and she said that she had thought that she woke up, and saw a black shadow at the head of her bed. When she turned her head to look straight up at it, she said it had red eyes, and it whispered, "I see you."

Another time she had a similar dream 3 nights in a row. In the first one, she said a woman had been standing in her room. I asked her to describe the woman, and she said she had dark hair, and she was wearing a black dress with a high collar. She said it was a very old-fashioned dress. The second night, she told me that the woman had been standing in the same spot in her room, but then the room turned into a field. On the third night, the woman was back in the field, and this time she was pointing toward a farmhouse. She said she was certain that the woman was dead, and was trying to tell her something. I wondered if an ancestor was trying to make contact. Who knows?

My grandmother tells a story often about my mom and uncle. They used to sleepwalk. She says when they did this, they would often talk in gibberish, as they were walking. On several occasions, she swears they both sleepwalked at the same time, and would go into the utility room and talk gibberish at each other. She said it gave her goosebumps to watch them talking like that in their sleep.

My sister also sleepwalked on occasion, and talked in her sleep too. What was even more creepy, was when she would just sit straight up in bed, and stare into the room as if hypnotized. Then she'd mutter some gibberish, and lay back down as if nothing just happened. I had to share a room with her, up until I was 13. Yikes!

The Funny:

Well, this one is a good transition, because it was funny and creepy. When my daughter turned 6, we went up to visit her grandpa in South Carolina for her birthday. He went out to the Piggly Wiggly, and bought her a cake. The cake had the pig logo in icing on the top of it. We sang happy birthday, she blew out the candles, and my father-in-law handed my daughter the cake slicer and said, "Here kiddo, you can cut the cake."  She immediately plunged the knife down into the center of the pig's face and shouted, "Kill the pig!!" Then laughed maniacally.

When she was about three, she was fascinated with dinosaurs. I explained to her how all of the dinosaurs had died out, and so they were now extinct. Later, she was talking to her grandmother on the phone and I said to her, "Tell Grandma what you learned about dinosaurs!" She said, "Grandma, all the dinosaurs stinked so bad that they died!" Extinct=stinked, apparently.

When she was about 8, she gave me the Vulcan hand gesture and told me to "Live long and possibly."

At the pool, she threatened my friend, saying "I have a pool noodle and I don't know how to use it." Um, that's "I'm not afraid to use it," sweetie.Threats are a lot less potent when you don't get that one right.

And my personal favorite, she just made up songs all of the time. About, things like, singing songs. Because we are the singers, the best.

And lastly, in both the creepy and funny columns, there is the series of photos my daughter took with the negative function on the camera.

At first, she was content to just make faces, but then she got an idea.

Zombie Barbies are here for your soul!!!!